The other day I talked to my MOTHER, her name is Paul, phoning her you know
and she said why don't you interview me for "Going Rogue".
What do mean: I asked
Dummy, no not for running for the highest office in 2012: she said
her eyes rolling like a wash machine fed with those old Italian coins that match quarters but for your new GLBT Zine.
Remember she quipped I was born naked in Siberia, set a drift on an ice pod shaped like a heart, which was an omen in itself that I was special, you know, floating towards Alaska where a toothless Eskimo fished me out like a bundle of frozen sea weed.
It's not that easy as it seems, I tried to interject
because I knew she wouldn't come up for breath for longer then a sea lion can hide from a ravenous polar bear.
Don't interrupt my flow, I am the one who can see Russia from my bed room window, she bitched!
Where was I ? Yap, I was fed raw fish gut and octopus eyes as a baby.
As a teenager I caught seals with my bare hands, once I wrestled a polar bear to the ground and boy did we shoot Moose like in a shooting gallery.
Wham, Bham and they were dead.They make such nice wall hangings.
Another time I was out whale hunting with the guys, I was about 14 and there we run into a Russian boat and in the boat was Putin.
He was about my age and he gave me the eye, you know. I saw that he had a nasty heart and just gave him the finger because I was not that kind a girl.
Whats your point Mother, I tried to interject but nobody could stop her now.
She was like the Trans Siberian Express plowing through times long gone.
I am the one who survived your father that old bugger, which is worst then 10 holocausts combined and raised three midget boys, three autistic girls and one homo.
The happy seven they called us because people thought the circus was in town.
At that point I shuffled my i-pod and lost track of time as my mother rattled on.
I am sure she would make a great interview.
Maybe I'll consider it and let her go rogue for awhile
She doesn't wear lipstick though but she does look a little bit like a pig.
copyright 2008
Ray Solar
